What A Pediatric Oncology Nurse Wants You To Know

I am a new graduate nurse. Technically I haven’t even had my first day of work yet. But I feel that the work in pediatric oncology never ends.

You see, in the final semester of the Bachelor of Science in Nursing program, it is required to perform 15 shifts or 200 hours at the hospital. I originally was placed on a basic adult medical surgical floor (which I wasn’t excited about in the least) and by the grace of God I was then placed to do my 15 shifts at a pediatric hospital on the pediatric unit. I’ll never forget going to meet my amazing preceptor and she said “just so you know, I stay on the HEMOC floor,” instantly I was terrified.

I remember calling my mom and I was so excited to be working with kids, but scared of what was to come in the months ahead. I decided before I started that I would never say “bye” to a patient when I walked out of their room (like that was going to save them or something), but really it was because no matter what happened it is never “goodbye” but “see you later.”

My very first oncology patient, who I took care of 13 out of my 15 shifts and went to visit on my off days, stole my heart. I mean if he told me to stay I stayed, if he told me to leave I left (with a saddened heart). I was so scared to love one of these precious babies, not knowing what could happen. But what kind of nurse would I be if I didn’t love and care for them just the same as any other child? So I wore my heart on my sleeve, walked in every night and said “hey handsome!” And left every morning and said “see you later handsome!” I gave all of my patients my all, at work and honestly on my off days as well. I never stopped thinking of them and praying for them.

Unfortunately this sweet baby didn’t make it. He went to be with Jesus. My heart still breaks thinking about his visitation. I went by myself because I didn’t really know the nurses well enough yet to tag along with them. After meeting with his amazing momma and dad, I turned around and instinctively said “hey handsome!” And then instantly lost it. I held myself together and said “I’ll see you later baby” and walked to my car, which I sat and cried in for about an hour before I drove home. It hit me in that moment that I had to do everything I could possibly do to make the lives of these patients better.

I want each and every patient I care for to know that I will love you. I will care for you. I will buy you movies to make your day better when no amount of pain medicine will take away your pain. I will rub your sweet little bald head and sing to you while your mom or dad try to get some sleep. I will do everything in my power to keep you safe. I will fight for you every second I get. And I’m sure I will put you over my family some (if not most) days.

I want each and every parent of the children I care for to know that I will love and care for you too. I will be there when you just need to vent but don’t really want any “advice”. I will be there when you need a shoulder to cry on, and someone to laugh with and rejoice in the good news or good moments. I will pray with you and for you and your child. I will answer any and all questions the best I can. I will always be there. I will always give my best to your child.

I want everyone to know, that I will fight for these kids. I was blessed to go to Washington DC to advocate for the STAR Act (which has since been signed into law and fully funded) and it lit a fire in me. I will make these trips any time I am able. I will give my whole heart and soul to these babies, the ones I’ve cared for, the ones I will care for, and the ones that I don’t care for.

I may be just a nurse, but I promise you I will be there. I will hurt when you and your child hurt and I will beam with joy when there is good news to celebrate. My heart is with you all, every single day. There isn’t a day that goes by I don’t think of my little man, but God needed him and he is doing such big things from up there in the Heavens. Through him, his mom and I have fought hard for these kids and will continue to do so. (His Momma is amazing)

I just want you to know I’m here, no matter what. This is not what I had planned, but I love these babies so much and God knew what he was doing when he put me on the HEMOC floor, even when I didn’t. And for that I have promised myself I will never let these kids down.

Sincerely,

A pediatric Oncology Nurse

#MoreThan4 #PediatricOncology #FightLikeAKid